Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
