On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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