I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.