I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown