don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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