I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
