Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize