The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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