I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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