i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
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Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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