this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
