I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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