I feel like abortions should bother me more
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
