i just had sex bonerless
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
