You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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