Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
