Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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