my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires