Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon