Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down