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• (858): View more from California

  I like my sex mixed with concussions.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (408): View more from California

  He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time

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  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.

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