I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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