I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
