There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
