once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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