Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize