There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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