yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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