3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE