Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.