I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.