Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!