That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize