don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
