Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
