I wish I could teleport
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
