Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
