Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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