are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.