there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins