I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.