She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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