even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.