remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.