he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
