there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
