her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm too high and old for this...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
