PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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