Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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