How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
