Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
