ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
