i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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