Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
