I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
