I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize