Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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