hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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