My hand turned me down
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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