All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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