I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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