i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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