Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His nipple licking is glorious
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